Yesterday as I wrote out my Flylady plan, it felt so satisfying!
That positive feeling was a fleeting one.
As the day wore on, and I would work in 15 min increments- and was not experiencing immediate perfect, lasting results, I became increasingly discouraged.
I strive to remind myself that this is just the nature of the beast. “This” being depression, ad/hd, negative self talk. Just because I think this way, just because these feelings are the “go to” feelings, does not mean they are actually me. I have always said I have negative thoughts. But more recently, I have come to describe it as These thoughts attack me.
I heard a sermon once that exactly describes the nature of these thoughts: The devil will constantly bombard you to sin, to mess up, to just indulge, it will be fun, it will be no big deal. And then when you give in, he then constantly tells you what a big deal it was, how horrible it was, etc. The attacks never end.
When I heard that, I was so ASHAMED because I didn’t even need the devil, I was doing it to myself! So I resolve not to continue in that.
For one thing, I acknowledge that I am actually trying to help myself. All be it, in the wrong way! But my intentions are good. I tell myself it always feels wrong in the beginning. It always feels like the negative feeling will never end. And the positive feelings feel so very temporary! I tell myself to just watch and see. See if things don’t get better.