Actually losing weight is currently my secondary issue.

Why can’t I stop eating? Is the real question and the answer to why I can’t lose weight.

I am so pumped up right now. I am so pleased with my position and will prob need to remind myself (soon lol)! I am actually inspired to do as much as I can on my own! It just isn’t in the budget right now to take a weight loss course. There are several out there that interest me. But I am taking as much as I can get from the free materials and journaling and challenging myself like crazy.

Do I stay keto? Do I transition to low carb? Does it matter? Will it help? Will it derail me?

I am really looking forward to making my own food rules based on my experiences and of course my health(blood work, weight, etc).

I have already learned so much and made some tweaks. Just need to wait and see how the blood work turns out in a few months. The waiting drives me crazy.

I have to admit I am seeing some progress and small victories. I have twice now, stopped overeating and taken a minute to reflect and the urge completely passed. As I mentioned before, I am on my own, so I don’t know if this will just become my new normal or What!?! But I am encouraged going forward.

I am so tired. Mentally and physically.

This week I have been trying to tune into my feelings. I have been trying to not just escape, but really try to hone in on what exactly I am trying to escape from. In some regards, I feel like I haven’t had a lot of success. But at least once, I figured out that I was overeating and still looking around for food to consume because I had worked hard, was tired and sore and was still trying to push myself to do more.

I decided that it was as if my mind and body were saying “If you can’t reward us by celebrating these wins and taking a rest, at least let’s eat.”

The scary part of all this is that I am just reading and listening to podcasts and doing the best I can to decipher all my feelings! I don’t feel qualified. But just recently I declared that I was becoming an expert on myself, so I guess maybe I am qualified.

I have mentioned that I have been listening to weight loss podcasts. One of them is “Losing 100 lbs with Phit and Phat”(Just a warning, the host uses profanity). She does have a paid program but there is so much good information she gives away for free.

I have been dipping a little toe in and challenging myself and just observing what happens.

One thing I would like to test out one day is going without artificial sweeteners. Today I only used non dairy milk in my coffee. I lived. But I do want to eat other things. Salty things. And other artificially sweetened items. I don’t know quite yet the feeling behind it, but I will keep exploring it.

I am just so TIRED of improving, but not achieving the goal. Or at least not feeling like I have achieved anything.

Fly lady(home organizing and housekeeping), our financial class, our health journeys- we have made progress but we have only come so far.

Quitting isn’t the solution. That is what I would have opted for in the past. So that is progress. But I still don’t feel that I have completely conquered any of these areas.

One of the things the host talks about is shifting from “I can’t figure this out” to “I might be able to figure this out”. Eventually you move to “I am going to figure this out”.

I really think that is what I need to tell myself to see a change in my mind set.

The last week I have felt “blah” much of the time. Is it because activity and busyness is bothering me? Is it something else? I really expected to rest and then feel good.

I always say I don’t feel energized, though people tell me I seem to have more energy. Then there are times I feel “blah” and I think “Last week I felt more energized than THIS!”

Is it that I have slacked on drinking my water? My dr recommended a certain amount for me to drink daily. I had been having body aches, muscle pain. She said it was from dehydration. If I drink my water, I do not ache and have body pain. I have one container that I fill everyday. It was too hard to use smaller containers and keep up with counting how many I had consumed.

If it is the lack of water, it should clear up soon be use I have had my daily dose 2 days in a row.

I have not been practicing strict keto like I did over the last year. I have needed to vary my diet to stop eating so much protein. I have some food sensitivities that make keto more complicated. And I am a person who likes to find their own way.

I am also a person who regrets whatever I am not doing. If I do “A”, I am upset that I didn’t do “B”. And if I do “B”, then I am upset about “A”. Right now I am simply working through this. I am making a choice and then trying to live with it. I am journaling. I am thinking. And trying not to overthink.

All that to say that I needed to vary my diet. I wanted to work more on the mental side of dieting. But now that I have added some things in, I may eat something that I wouldn’t have last year – I am upset that I am not doing strict keto.

If doing what I am doing raises my blood sugar, if I start gaining weight, if I start craving, I will stop and re-evaluate. I will know that the strict keto was the way to go for me. I will still need to tweak how much protein I was eating. But I will know.

Doing this is different. It is causing me to trust in my SELF, not a book or program. I really do feel that eating what seems right and then observing what happens is the way to go.

It is the constant second guessing that gets to me.

I feel like many things are like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger you get.

Is it real hunger? Or heartburn? Or just an attempt to escape?

When I started taking a supplement for my stomach and timing my meals, I was surprised I would be finished eating in 5 min or less.

So I have been practicing something I learned when I did the Naturally Slim program. They suggest eating for 10 min, a 5 min break then resuming the meal for 10 more minutes. Because I ate so fast, I used to eat for 5 min, take a ten min break and then resume eating.

I am journaling at least once a day and when I want to eat. I haven’t uncovered anything earth shattering. YET.

I have tried a lot of different ways of facing the day. It would be more accurate to say I was avoiding the day. Computer games, tv shows, food, reading, Facebook…. ANYthing to avoid feelings and discomfort. When smart phones first came onto the scene I was adamant that I did not need a portable tv/video game player in my hand at all times! 😂😇

I am so relieved and thankful we were also searching out organizing ideas and financial help at this same time or we would just be overspending and/or being lazy around the home. I wrote in my journal today that my bad habits have no where to hide!

I am taking a digestive supplement, Something that worked for my mom so I am trying it. It requires me to time my meals and track my response. I realize that I want to eat often. For reasons other than hunger.

In my financial journey I am carefully considering portions in order to get to the next level in my grocery savings. I have been asking myself why I feel the need for more than one portion of meat. Especially since I have been having pain for months in my body that my dr says is dehydration from consuming too much protein!

I have made some improvements and have really examined what I am eating. Basically I got into a habit of having 2(or more!) portions of meat for a meal.

In the dr’s office, it is easy for me to commit to cutting back on protein and eating other foods. But day to day- in each moment, it is all too easy just to cook meat and then take a second helping.

Today I am going to do something different! Something I heard on one of those podcasts I mentioned (“Losing 100 lbs with Phit and Phat”).

I am going to journal every time I want to eat.

There is a huge short cut that I take, a rut I have have been in for a very long time.

“If I feel something, I eat in response to it”

We also do this with spending money!

Working on habits really overlaps.

Hopefully I can see what I am trying to avoid, hopefully I can figure out what I am feeling.

Stay tuned.

I have done many diets. This last year of doing keto was my most successful run. Cutting out the sugar and other foods that caused cravings was HUGE. It really stopped the cycle of crave, eat, crave,eat.

However, there were still times I overate keto foods. I depended on keto snacks a lot too. I think it is fine that I didn’t worry about it and let it derail my progress. But there came a time when I just couldn’t put that part on the back burner anymore.

I am ready to deal with it. I have lost 100 lbs and I am not sure I could lose more(or keep it off) without delving into the mental aspect of it. So here we go.

I am listening to 2 free podcasts that deal with the mental part of losing weight “Weight loss made real” by Cookie Rosemblum and “Losing 100 lbs with Phit and Phat” by Corinne Crabtree.

I am relieved to have made the decision to return to wordpress free blogging. I think I am making the right decision not to invest more money and hope to see a return on my investment!

I look forward to writing whatever I want and not worrying so much about blogging the “right” way.

Every time I post a gorgeous picture of my wonderful food, I feel a little guilty!
It hasn’t happened yet, but I am so afraid someone is going to comment on a picture and ask me how they can get the recipe! The meal planning service I use is currently not open for enrollment! And I don’t know when it will re-open. 

Here is what I can offer you in the mean time: Jennifer from ISaveA2Z.com 

posts Keto menus every Friday for download. 

Enjoy!